the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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