I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
