she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
