do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
