Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your cock deserves a montage
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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