I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
