He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
