I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
