like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
