I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize