I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Found the puke drawer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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