Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
