you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
