and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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