Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
