So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize