I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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