Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
