the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize