Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Four minutes until I can fart!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
