that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize