Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
