i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
