His hands were made for my vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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