Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
