3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
