I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
