next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The Olympian is in my bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
