This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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