i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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