Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
