he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
40s are totally the cure
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
