ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
