yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
