Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
