Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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