I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
