I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
