i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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