I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
