Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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