u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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