I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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