i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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