he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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