You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
