Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
