He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
