this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
