Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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