I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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