Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
