the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
