In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize