2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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