somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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