Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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