So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
