i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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