I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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