"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
