I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
