Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
