Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize