i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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