you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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