Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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